needs dialogue

More Goth Than a Status Bar

PLEASE! Is it SKELETON MONTH yet?

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Scariest Widdle Sith Lord

Tonight’s comic is about the 4-legged dark Jedi known as Meow Meow Ren.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Measure of a Manx

Tonight’s comic wants to know if it is a good person.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Baby Talk

Tonight’s comic is creeped out.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

WE ALL HAVE OUR MORNING RITUAL

Tonight’s comic wants to bestow the dark blessing upon you.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

A Spotty Relationship

Tonight's comic introduces Red Robot's favorite person.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

* I have some tiny kitten pin sets! The ones with the buttholes are a super limited edition.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Biehn Counters

whoa whoa WHOA there- Terminator is supposed to be a DYStopia???

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Tweet and the World Whines With You

Tonight's comic keepsthreatening to quit Twitter.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

100% Too Likely

Tonight's comic is aboutsomething worse than murder AND auto-play video.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

There Are Exceptions to Pacifism

Tonight's comic is covered in blood-for a good cause.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Again With the Productivity

Tonight's comic wants to know if you're done with your tantrum.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Speculative Friction

Never ask a cat a question that you're not prepared for the answer to.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Great Work!

Roger the cat may need to get back to his work as much as I do.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

It's Funnier if I'm Uncomfortable

So, ha ha ha! We took a little vacation for a few days and now we are stuck in Florida a little longer. Nothing to complain about, totally safe, but comics might get a little weird.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

No Pooping on the Bridge!

MR. CHEKHOV! FIRE PHOTON TORPEDOS! OUT OF YOUR BUTT!

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Desperate Repetition

Tonight's comic is short on answers.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Liquid Fear

Milk is weird, if you think about it.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Friendship Gambit

Tonight's comic wants to know what your angle is.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

You Make Naptime Fun

Real best friends don't care if you're famous.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Rubbed by an Angel

If you could ask R2-D2 for ONE WISH...

A Quick Store Note!

I'm taking a little summer break next week, so the warehouse is temporarily closing on Saturday, 9/2 at noon eastern. Shipping will resume the 10th and then I'm here allllll the way through next January. (Comics will run as normal.)

If you need anything next week, please grab it now! I'm planning to do a week of preorders for another popular out-of-print shirt due for a reprint starting Monday. (You're gonna like it!)

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Past Sure is Tense

Is writing a book hard?

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Words Are Slippery Devils

Tonight's comic wants to know how your book is coming along.

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Snack Cameras

My favorite comics are the ones where I'm extremely mean to myself.

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Mostly Nineties Kids Will Get This

Tonight's comic is about going music shopping.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Clear Between the Ears

Red Robot tries his best to keep an open mind.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Trust Me on This One

Tonight's comic wants to know what you're thinking about.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

S-E-C-R-E-T-S

Tonight's comic wants to know your deepest, darkest secrets.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Routine is Critical

Tonight's comic may be a little fixated on coffee.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Plain Text

Tonight's comic is a structural nightmare.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Past is Where Turds Were Invented

Tonight's comic goes out to everyone who'd rather live in the past.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Atlas 3000

Sometimes I just need to do a comic about Torpor.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Multitasking is a Myth

Tonight's comic wants to keep up with current events.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Critical Reviews

Cats are amazing at showing gratitude.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

All Morals Contain Implicit Bias

Tonight's comic is staring into the abyss.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Rear Admiral

Tonight's comic doesn't like friends who fart.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Thank You For Recognizing My Talents!

Tonight's comic never had a best friend before.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Fratern Recognition

Sometimes people ask me, "What's it like being a robot?"

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Play by Play

We are all probably so much happier for not knowing what our cats are thinking.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Lone Pink: The Return

Roger the Cat is BACK, baby!

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Double Your Poopies, Double Your Fun

Are your cats part of THE GREAT POOP CONSPIRACY?

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Most Irresponsible Thing Anyone Could Ever Do

Tonight's comic wants to have a no phones day.

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The One Sure-Fire Way to Have More Fun in Bed

Tonight's comic has some very sexy tips.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Pay Per Mew

Tonight's comic wants to know if you can cat sit.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Observation Games

Tonight's comic put food out for the cat last night, BUT

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Humus Nature

Tonight's comic may or may not think that people are essentially good.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Not All Change is Growth

Tonight's comic wants to know if you believe in evolution.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Ennui is the New Umami

Tonight's comic wants to know what flavor coffee that is.

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

Murder by Numbness

How are murder podcasts not uplifting??

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens



needs dialogue

The Blood Never Bothered Me Anyway

Red Robot is super sad.

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens



library anne, gamer gabe : a female doctor who?! that's outrageous! what's next, a female 51% of the population?! you're making sense for once, but i still need to correct you- i know her name is just

The Last Word on the Thirteenth Doctor

What's that? A FEMALE DOCTOR WHO?? Brought to you by...

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens



maura : headphones, this week on murder podcast... ...we talk about murders until we briefly convince ourselves our own problems aren't that bad! brought to you by uncooked food by mail, the premiere uncooked food subscription service. mention

This Week on MURDER PODCAST...

Murder podcast? Murder podcast! Brought to you by...

Hey! Just FYI, I'll be out at Comicon next week, so if you need anything in the store I would grab it by Sunday. I'm closing the warehouse from Monday 7/17 until the 25th.

– @rstevens



electron mike, maura, library anne : vr virtual reality goggles, headphones, reading a book i'm in a magical world where the poop emoji is my girlfriend! murder podcasts are the only way i can relax! imagine having to bury your head in the sand rather than just dealing with reality. you'd never see me retreat into a fantasy world that way! i said

Coping Mechanisms

“Murder podcasts are the only way i can relax!” is only the second weirdest line in today's comic.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete : bucket on head i'm sick of the news! no push notification can reach me here! all is peaceful here in the bucket zone! why is no one listening to me?

Living in a Bucket

Today's comic is about the news.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, csstine : fade to black click creepy smile eyes if every day was halloween, you'd get sick of halloween!

Your Recommended Daily Dose of Spooky

Tonight's comic poses the theory that if every day was halloween, you'd get sick of halloween!

– @rstevens



pale suzie, csstine : skull can it be halloween now? aw, suzie. summer isn't even half over yet. but...but... skeletons! i know. i love skeletons too. the skeletons were inside us the whole time? we're going to get through this, i promise.

Pining for Pumpkins

Can it please be Halloween now??

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, bertram the chicken : buk bawk buk buk buk the correct way to watch star wars movies is in episode order, from 1 to 6. without seeing jar-jar binks in episode 1, you cannot fully appreciate yoda's introduction in the empire strikes back! do you think jabba ever stole jedi poop to harvest the midichlorians? i wish i wasn't vegan so i could cook and eat you. i keep my lightsaber in my butt for safety!

The Chicken-Fried Menace

Let's end the week with a chicken lecturing us about Star Wars.

– @rstevens



csstine, bertram the chicken : buk bawk buk buk buk i'm not sure it counts if you call yourself a thought leader.

red robot, bertram the chicken : screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sigh buk buk stop it! you're not actually a tyrannosaurus. says the guy i let call himself a killer robot.

MAD MAX: FEATHERY ROAD

SCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

– @rstevens



red robot, bertram the chicken : happy birthday, dread bertram. buk buk you are a terrible excuse for a bird! but due to the lack of living dinosaurs to compare you with, i must concede that you are a most excellent velociraptor. sigh screeeeeee

Chicken Little Ice Age

Happy Birthday to DREAD BERTRAM!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : if there's a cat dimension, does that mean there's also a dog dimension? no, but there is an asshole dimension. isn't that the cat dimension? how dare you forget about the cyber dimension! aww, the internet isn't entirely made of assholes. no moreso than hot dogs!

The Twi-L33t Zone

if there's a cat dimension, does that mean there's also a dog dimension?

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : where did those cats come from? the cat dimension! there's no-

The Evolution of the Arm (Who Pets Me)

Have you ever wondered where cats come from?

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : Not to get too political here, but- too late I just want to say- nope Is there no topic that we can- UNSUBSCRIBE Maybe we could talk about- kittens

The One Truly Safe Word

The thing about this year is there aren't a lot of things I want to talk about.

– @rstevens



maura, lil sis doctor sis : tacos or burritos? for eating or for putting in my butt? trick question! eating eventually puts them both in your butt. my butt hasn't got time for your pedantry! we could accomplish so much good with the mental energy we wasted arguing. burritos are like kazoos you can eat!

The Ballad of Uncle Butt

Tonight's comic answers the eternal question: TACOS or BURRITOS?

– @rstevens



library anne, gamer gabe, holding book : whatcha reading there, little missy? me? i'm not reading. but you're holding a book. it's just a prop i carry around to trick you into noticing me. really?! [WITHERING GLARE]

Please Just Judge It by the Dang Cover

Maybe once in a while it's better to pay attention than to give people homework.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : you know what your problem is? you crave the respect of others! learn from my example... i don't care what anybody else thinks. and i'm happy! yes widdle kitty, of course i love you! i know you can understand me, god dammit! mew mew mew maow

Selective Purring

You know what you need right now? Life lessons from a cat.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, clango : cat butt sleeping zzz butthole kitty, what is the meaning of life? besides feeding you, i mean.

The Meaning of Everymeal

Kitty, what is the meaning of life?

– @rstevens



pale suzie : drinking coffee : r2-d2 whistling why does coffee taste better out of your skull? you're not even one of my enemies! that's very sweet of you to say. but i'm pretty sure you'd defeat my evil plans every time!

pale suzie : drinking coffee : r2-d2 whistling r2's head pops up brews coffee drip drip smiles

Sing to Me

Tonight’s comic is Whistling in the Dark Roast.

– @rstevens



pale suzie : drinking coffee looking at camera oh, hello! i didn't see you there. that's why i was smiling. SCOWLS

The Joy of Drinking Alone

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, pale suzie : drinking coffee he disappears i bet you can't give up coffee for a week. i bet i don't consider suffering to have intrinsic moral value! how am i supposed to judge people if suffering isn't cool? one more word and i'll stop believing that you exist. instantaneously...

Reality is What You Can Get Me to Agree With

Today's comic contains the last word on the concept of suffering. Please update your philosophies and/or religions.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, csstine : why can't i- stop it right there. you don't get to ask me for help that i don't want to give. no, i just- you don't get to put the burden of jerk on me, guy. but i only wanted to- begone, bearded devil!

Burden of Proust

Today's comic doesn't get to make your problems into our problems.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, csstine : hey, can i pick your brain about something? keep your creepy fingers out of my head skeleton! i just want to ask for some advice! only i am allowed to eat my brain!! but i only- my thought meat is not food for your perverted appetites! why are you being so difficult? cannibalism should be difficult.

Nose Pickers

Today's comic wants to pick your brain.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



maura, metal steve : what's wrong, stevie? i think i may have accidentally doomed humanity. congrats! great work. why do people keep saying that? because we've met humanity.

You Can't Undo It!

Today's comic may have accidentally doomed humanity.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



red robot, metal steve, pale suzie : arms up, smile, human! quickly! what does pooping feel like? i'll never tell! you'll just use the secret of pooping against me. how could i possibly use knowledge of pooping to destroy humanity? oh! that's such a relief. gotcha. shit.

Forbidden Knowledge

HUMAN! QUICKLY! WHAT DOES POOPING FEEL LIKE???

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



metal steve, pale suzie : what do you put in your coffee? hopes. dreams. minimal water. i like whipped cream, cheetos dust and caramel syrup! i call it a chester cheetah du leche! i used to believe that none of us were truly beyond hope.

Crimes Against Caffeinity

Tonight's comic wants to know what you put in your coffee.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, metal steve, lil sis : across panels so it turns out the reason she doesn't like hanging out with me is because she's an introvert. no it isn't. i always knew that deep down, the problem isn't me- it's other people. NOT IT ISN'T.

Introblurt

Tonight's comic goes out to all the misdiagnosed introverts out there.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, lil sis : why don't you want to hang out? am i not fun?! it's not you, it's- -how much work it is to pretend to be nice to you. i knew it wasn't me!

Work, Friends

Tonight's comic wants to know why you don't want to hang out.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, lil sis : hey! doctor p.! i thought we were hanging out earlier. i didn't see your text. i emailed you. oh, right. that message went to spam. but you saw the email. this is easier than saying i don't want to hang out.

Scheduling Conflicts

Tonight's comic is having scheduling conflicts.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



metal steve, lil sis : how are things? that is a great question! you're not going to answer? why risk making things worse?

Optimal Pessimism

So- How are things? (This is a conversation I have almost daily.)

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



otakate, lil sis : everything is terrible and i hate it. turn that frown inside-out! when things are bad, it's important to stay positive! you just don't want to hear me complain. that's one of many positive side effects!

The Blight Side of Life

Tonight's comic is about staying positive!!!!!!!

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



clango, red robot : feelings. misinterpretation of feelings as personal attack. reiteration of feelings. escalation of defensive response! pause to reflect feelings. how come you never open up to me? thought balloon

Infernal Dialogue

Tonight's comic is about feelings

What have we here?!

– @rstevens



metal steve, clango : the internet isn't working anymore. granted it has turned into a giant negativity machine... but i still like to think that the result of all these human connections is a net positive. i just need you to reboot the router. listen, i don't have enough positivity left that you can go around wasting it.

How to Fix the Internet

Tonight's comic knows how to fix the internet!

What have we here?!

– @rstevens





SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK



needs dialogue

More Goth Than a Status Bar

PLEASE! Is it SKELETON MONTH yet?

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Scariest Widdle Sith Lord

Tonight’s comic is about the 4-legged dark Jedi known as Meow Meow Ren.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Measure of a Manx

Tonight’s comic wants to know if it is a good person.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Baby Talk

Tonight’s comic is creeped out.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

WE ALL HAVE OUR MORNING RITUAL

Tonight’s comic wants to bestow the dark blessing upon you.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

A Spotty Relationship

Tonight's comic introduces Red Robot's favorite person.

Mew! Mew! Mew!*

* I have some tiny kitten pin sets! The ones with the buttholes are a super limited edition.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Biehn Counters

whoa whoa WHOA there- Terminator is supposed to be a DYStopia???

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Tweet and the World Whines With You

Tonight's comic keepsthreatening to quit Twitter.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

100% Too Likely

Tonight's comic is aboutsomething worse than murder AND auto-play video.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

There Are Exceptions to Pacifism

Tonight's comic is covered in blood-for a good cause.

computers professional pin

I made a new pin for COMPUTERS PROFESSIONALS because I love computers.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Again With the Productivity

Tonight's comic wants to know if you're done with your tantrum.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Speculative Friction

Never ask a cat a question that you're not prepared for the answer to.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Great Work!

Roger the cat may need to get back to his work as much as I do.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

It's Funnier if I'm Uncomfortable

So, ha ha ha! We took a little vacation for a few days and now we are stuck in Florida a little longer. Nothing to complain about, totally safe, but comics might get a little weird.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

No Pooping on the Bridge!

MR. CHEKHOV! FIRE PHOTON TORPEDOS! OUT OF YOUR BUTT!

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Desperate Repetition

Tonight's comic is short on answers.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Liquid Fear

Milk is weird, if you think about it.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Friendship Gambit

Tonight's comic wants to know what your angle is.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

You Make Naptime Fun

Real best friends don't care if you're famous.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Rubbed by an Angel

If you could ask R2-D2 for ONE WISH...

A Quick Store Note!

I'm taking a little summer break next week, so the warehouse is temporarily closing on Saturday, 9/2 at noon eastern. Shipping will resume the 10th and then I'm here allllll the way through next January. (Comics will run as normal.)

If you need anything next week, please grab it now! I'm planning to do a week of preorders for another popular out-of-print shirt due for a reprint starting Monday. (You're gonna like it!)

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Past Sure is Tense

Is writing a book hard?

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Words Are Slippery Devils

Tonight's comic wants to know how your book is coming along.

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Snack Cameras

My favorite comics are the ones where I'm extremely mean to myself.

COFFEE ALERT

I did a little limited run of Robot Juice 2: Coffee Boogaloo shirts if you want one. When they're gone, they're gone!

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Mostly Nineties Kids Will Get This

Tonight's comic is about going music shopping.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Clear Between the Ears

Red Robot tries his best to keep an open mind.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Trust Me on This One

Tonight's comic wants to know what you're thinking about.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

S-E-C-R-E-T-S

Tonight's comic wants to know your deepest, darkest secrets.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Routine is Critical

Tonight's comic may be a little fixated on coffee.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Plain Text

Tonight's comic is a structural nightmare.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Past is Where Turds Were Invented

Tonight's comic goes out to everyone who'd rather live in the past.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Atlas 3000

Sometimes I just need to do a comic about Torpor.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Multitasking is a Myth

Tonight's comic wants to keep up with current events.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Critical Reviews

Cats are amazing at showing gratitude.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

All Morals Contain Implicit Bias

Tonight's comic is staring into the abyss.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Rear Admiral

Tonight's comic doesn't like friends who fart.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Thank You For Recognizing My Talents!

Tonight's comic never had a best friend before.

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Fratern Recognition

Sometimes people ask me, "What's it like being a robot?"

Ooh, what's this??

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Play by Play

We are all probably so much happier for not knowing what our cats are thinking.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Lone Pink: The Return

Roger the Cat is BACK, baby!

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Double Your Poopies, Double Your Fun

Are your cats part of THE GREAT POOP CONSPIRACY?

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Most Irresponsible Thing Anyone Could Ever Do

Tonight's comic wants to have a no phones day.

Want new comics in your email?

Sign up here:

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The One Sure-Fire Way to Have More Fun in Bed

Tonight's comic has some very sexy tips.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Pay Per Mew

Tonight's comic wants to know if you can cat sit.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Observation Games

Tonight's comic put food out for the cat last night, BUT

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Humus Nature

Tonight's comic may or may not think that people are essentially good.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Not All Change is Growth

Tonight's comic wants to know if you believe in evolution.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Ennui is the New Umami

Tonight's comic wants to know what flavor coffee that is.

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

Murder by Numbness

How are murder podcasts not uplifting??

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens


needs dialogue

The Blood Never Bothered Me Anyway

Red Robot is super sad.

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens


library anne, gamer gabe : a female doctor who?! that's outrageous! what's next, a female 51% of the population?! you're making sense for once, but i still need to correct you- i know her name is just

The Last Word on the Thirteenth Doctor

What's that? A FEMALE DOCTOR WHO?? Brought to you by...

Hey! I'm at Comicon this week. The warehouse is closed from Monday 7/17 until the 25th, but I'll have a special retro preorder for you!

I'm also on a 3 comic schedule for the rest of July so I can survive this mess. See you M-W-F.

– @rstevens


maura : headphones, this week on murder podcast... ...we talk about murders until we briefly convince ourselves our own problems aren't that bad! brought to you by uncooked food by mail, the premiere uncooked food subscription service. mention

This Week on MURDER PODCAST...

Murder podcast? Murder podcast! Brought to you by...

Hey! Just FYI, I'll be out at Comicon next week, so if you need anything in the store I would grab it by Sunday. I'm closing the warehouse from Monday 7/17 until the 25th.

– @rstevens


electron mike, maura, library anne : vr virtual reality goggles, headphones, reading a book i'm in a magical world where the poop emoji is my girlfriend! murder podcasts are the only way i can relax! imagine having to bury your head in the sand rather than just dealing with reality. you'd never see me retreat into a fantasy world that way! i said

Coping Mechanisms

“Murder podcasts are the only way i can relax!” is only the second weirdest line in today's comic.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete : bucket on head i'm sick of the news! no push notification can reach me here! all is peaceful here in the bucket zone! why is no one listening to me?

Living in a Bucket

Today's comic is about the news.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, csstine : fade to black click creepy smile eyes if every day was halloween, you'd get sick of halloween!

Your Recommended Daily Dose of Spooky

Tonight's comic poses the theory that if every day was halloween, you'd get sick of halloween!

– @rstevens


pale suzie, csstine : skull can it be halloween now? aw, suzie. summer isn't even half over yet. but...but... skeletons! i know. i love skeletons too. the skeletons were inside us the whole time? we're going to get through this, i promise.

Pining for Pumpkins

Can it please be Halloween now??

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, bertram the chicken : buk bawk buk buk buk the correct way to watch star wars movies is in episode order, from 1 to 6. without seeing jar-jar binks in episode 1, you cannot fully appreciate yoda's introduction in the empire strikes back! do you think jabba ever stole jedi poop to harvest the midichlorians? i wish i wasn't vegan so i could cook and eat you. i keep my lightsaber in my butt for safety!

The Chicken-Fried Menace

Let's end the week with a chicken lecturing us about Star Wars.

– @rstevens


csstine, bertram the chicken : buk bawk buk buk buk i'm not sure it counts if you call yourself a thought leader.
red robot, bertram the chicken : screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sigh buk buk stop it! you're not actually a tyrannosaurus. says the guy i let call himself a killer robot.

MAD MAX: FEATHERY ROAD

SCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

– @rstevens


red robot, bertram the chicken : happy birthday, dread bertram. buk buk you are a terrible excuse for a bird! but due to the lack of living dinosaurs to compare you with, i must concede that you are a most excellent velociraptor. sigh screeeeeee

Chicken Little Ice Age

Happy Birthday to DREAD BERTRAM!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : if there's a cat dimension, does that mean there's also a dog dimension? no, but there is an asshole dimension. isn't that the cat dimension? how dare you forget about the cyber dimension! aww, the internet isn't entirely made of assholes. no moreso than hot dogs!

The Twi-L33t Zone

if there's a cat dimension, does that mean there's also a dog dimension?

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : where did those cats come from? the cat dimension! there's no-

The Evolution of the Arm (Who Pets Me)

Have you ever wondered where cats come from?

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, otakate, kittens, cats, socks mulder : Not to get too political here, but- too late I just want to say- nope Is there no topic that we can- UNSUBSCRIBE Maybe we could talk about- kittens

The One Truly Safe Word

The thing about this year is there aren't a lot of things I want to talk about.

– @rstevens


maura, lil sis doctor sis : tacos or burritos? for eating or for putting in my butt? trick question! eating eventually puts them both in your butt. my butt hasn't got time for your pedantry! we could accomplish so much good with the mental energy we wasted arguing. burritos are like kazoos you can eat!

The Ballad of Uncle Butt

Tonight's comic answers the eternal question: TACOS or BURRITOS?

– @rstevens


library anne, gamer gabe, holding book : whatcha reading there, little missy? me? i'm not reading. but you're holding a book. it's just a prop i carry around to trick you into noticing me. really?! [WITHERING GLARE]

Please Just Judge It by the Dang Cover

Maybe once in a while it's better to pay attention than to give people homework.

– @rstevens


roger the cat, clango : you know what your problem is? you crave the respect of others! learn from my example... i don't care what anybody else thinks. and i'm happy! yes widdle kitty, of course i love you! i know you can understand me, god dammit! mew mew mew maow

Selective Purring

You know what you need right now? Life lessons from a cat.

– @rstevens


roger the cat, clango : cat butt sleeping zzz butthole kitty, what is the meaning of life? besides feeding you, i mean.

The Meaning of Everymeal

Kitty, what is the meaning of life?

– @rstevens


pale suzie : drinking coffee : r2-d2 whistling why does coffee taste better out of your skull? you're not even one of my enemies! that's very sweet of you to say. but i'm pretty sure you'd defeat my evil plans every time!
pale suzie : drinking coffee : r2-d2 whistling r2's head pops up brews coffee drip drip smiles

Sing to Me

Tonight’s comic is Whistling in the Dark Roast.

– @rstevens


pale suzie : drinking coffee looking at camera oh, hello! i didn't see you there. that's why i was smiling. SCOWLS

The Joy of Drinking Alone

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, pale suzie : drinking coffee he disappears i bet you can't give up coffee for a week. i bet i don't consider suffering to have intrinsic moral value! how am i supposed to judge people if suffering isn't cool? one more word and i'll stop believing that you exist. instantaneously...

Reality is What You Can Get Me to Agree With

Today's comic contains the last word on the concept of suffering. Please update your philosophies and/or religions.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, csstine : why can't i- stop it right there. you don't get to ask me for help that i don't want to give. no, i just- you don't get to put the burden of jerk on me, guy. but i only wanted to- begone, bearded devil!

Burden of Proust

Today's comic doesn't get to make your problems into our problems.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, csstine : hey, can i pick your brain about something? keep your creepy fingers out of my head skeleton! i just want to ask for some advice! only i am allowed to eat my brain!! but i only- my thought meat is not food for your perverted appetites! why are you being so difficult? cannibalism should be difficult.

Nose Pickers

Today's comic wants to pick your brain.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


maura, metal steve : what's wrong, stevie? i think i may have accidentally doomed humanity. congrats! great work. why do people keep saying that? because we've met humanity.

You Can't Undo It!

Today's comic may have accidentally doomed humanity.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


red robot, metal steve, pale suzie : arms up, smile, human! quickly! what does pooping feel like? i'll never tell! you'll just use the secret of pooping against me. how could i possibly use knowledge of pooping to destroy humanity? oh! that's such a relief. gotcha. shit.

Forbidden Knowledge

HUMAN! QUICKLY! WHAT DOES POOPING FEEL LIKE???

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


metal steve, pale suzie : what do you put in your coffee? hopes. dreams. minimal water. i like whipped cream, cheetos dust and caramel syrup! i call it a chester cheetah du leche! i used to believe that none of us were truly beyond hope.

Crimes Against Caffeinity

Tonight's comic wants to know what you put in your coffee.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, metal steve, lil sis : across panels so it turns out the reason she doesn't like hanging out with me is because she's an introvert. no it isn't. i always knew that deep down, the problem isn't me- it's other people. NOT IT ISN'T.

Introblurt

Tonight's comic goes out to all the misdiagnosed introverts out there.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, lil sis : why don't you want to hang out? am i not fun?! it's not you, it's- -how much work it is to pretend to be nice to you. i knew it wasn't me!

Work, Friends

Tonight's comic wants to know why you don't want to hang out.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, lil sis : hey! doctor p.! i thought we were hanging out earlier. i didn't see your text. i emailed you. oh, right. that message went to spam. but you saw the email. this is easier than saying i don't want to hang out.

Scheduling Conflicts

Tonight's comic is having scheduling conflicts.

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


metal steve, lil sis : how are things? that is a great question! you're not going to answer? why risk making things worse?

Optimal Pessimism

So- How are things? (This is a conversation I have almost daily.)

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


otakate, lil sis : everything is terrible and i hate it. turn that frown inside-out! when things are bad, it's important to stay positive! you just don't want to hear me complain. that's one of many positive side effects!

The Blight Side of Life

Tonight's comic is about staying positive!!!!!!!

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


clango, red robot : feelings. misinterpretation of feelings as personal attack. reiteration of feelings. escalation of defensive response! pause to reflect feelings. how come you never open up to me? thought balloon

Infernal Dialogue

Tonight's comic is about feelings

What have we here?!

– @rstevens


metal steve, clango : the internet isn't working anymore. granted it has turned into a giant negativity machine... but i still like to think that the result of all these human connections is a net positive. i just need you to reboot the router. listen, i don't have enough positivity left that you can go around wasting it.

How to Fix the Internet

Tonight's comic knows how to fix the internet!

What have we here?!

– @rstevens




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