electron mike, lil sis : hang loose hands how long is your podcast?this week? only about two hours! i'll subscribe if you can describe the premise in less time than it would take to listen. ...

Discussing Things at Length

If I were going to listen to it... How long is your podcast?

– @rstevens



electron mike, lil sis : thumbs up silent panels do you listen to my podcast? can you pretend to like it if i don't ask for your favorite episode?

Podcast Pals

Tonight's comic wants to know if you listen to its podcast.

– @rstevens



otakate, pale suzie : sure you don't wanna go out? i already went out today. checking- instagram totally counts as going out!

A Portal to the World

Does checking Instagram count as going outside?

– @rstevens



otakate, pale suzie : thought balloons wanna go out and maybe get a drink tonight? does anyone ever actually want to go out if they have a choice? and how do i explain it to my cat? does she realize i can see her thoughts? we had plans to lay silently on the floor!

Lead Balloons

What really happens when you ask an introvert to make plans.

– @rstevens



otakate, maura, phone : sitting on toilet, don't call without texting first. I'm trying to work! 99-cent ringtone it sounds like i'm in the bathroom because i'm in the bathroom! just because i'm pooping doesn't mean i'm not working! This comic is dedicated to writers and coders everywhere

Productivity Secrets

This comic is dedicated to writers & coders everywhere.

– @rstevens



otakate, maura, gif, coffee : sitting on toilet, does caffeine count as nanotechnology? does having a network of tiny crystals in my blood make me a cyborg? am i a perfect hybrid of human and machine?! ok, maybe not

Crystalline Entity

Does caffeine count as nanotechnology?

– @rstevens



otakate, maura, gif, animated : you look different. i quit coffee! it's amazing! i have so much more energy now. did you switch to caffeine pills? so much more energy

Higher Realms

Who needs coffee, right? Not when we have technology!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete : laptop, i'm posting to the internet how i don't care about the popular thing everyone else is posting about! what's that, you ask? why not just live my own life and let everyone else enjoy theirs? you must be new to the internet!

maura, red robot : if i get a doctor's note saying i'm dead inside, can i be a robot? why do you want to be a robot? aside from physical and mental superiority as well as no longer being complicit in humanity's many crimes- ohhh.

This Joke is Dad Inside

I think deep down, we all secretly wish we were robots.

– @rstevens



maura, red robot, gamer gabe : i'm done with humanity. hah! you sticky meat zits were done years ago. can you make me a robot? only you can make yourself a robot. i bet together we'd make a great cyborg. that's the worst pick-up line i've ever heard. even worse than when i correct random women on the internet?

It Can Always Get Worse

Tonight's comic is done with humanity.

– @rstevens



dalek, indie rock pete, otakate, john stamos kitten, animated : i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! grrrr get it off! get it off! i surrender!

Hierarchy of Evil

Daleks or kittens? Which is the more dangerous creature?

– @rstevens



dalek, doctor doom : exterminate! exterminate! silence, foolish compost bin! doom is beyond such mindless violence! doom seeks to rule! doom exists to guide humanity forward with the unparalleled wisdom of doom! who has the time to govern when you can destroy? do not confuse doom with trump!

Cutie Pie Murder Jerks

I would feel a lot safer if Victor was the one running against Hillary

– @rstevens



roger the cat, otakate, clango : your cat farted at me! that means he likes you! you mean he doesn't respect me. he's just comfortable around you. could he maybe be comfortable around me without farting? you can't spell

Thunder Pressure

Some days you just need to do a comic about farting cats.

– @rstevens



roger the cat, otakate : licking himself, farting, fart cloud, maow maow of course i'm worried about the election! lick lick everyone is worried about the election! lick fart i just wish the other orange guy was as well-spoken as you.

Rhymes With Orange

Are you worried about the election? Roger and Kate are.

– @rstevens



electron mike, otakate : turkey, eating frosting, are you eating a turkey and a tub of frosting? my alignment is chaotic hungry! you don't have to make excuses for being weird around me. i'm weird? you're just figuring this out now?

Turduckake

This exact thing happened to me once. Apparently I'm weird?

– @rstevens



metal steve, indie rock pete : crab thought balloon poop emoji hey there-i'll come back when there's a different animal above your head. later... i guess that's progress. same crab, different day.

Digesting Some Thoughts

Tonight's comic is... kind of crabby.

– @rstevens



maura, csstine : virtual reality, grid, coffee, are those things prescription? kind of. let me guess- instead of fixing your vision, they correct reality? kind of. can i try them on? can you promise actual reality will be as wonderful as the fantasy world i've created for myself? batman unicorn super mario so, that's a maybe?

Don't Ask to Borrow my Virtual Reality

I feel like asking someone to wear their VR goggles is like asking someone in the 80s to lend you their Nintendo controller.

– @rstevens



maura, csstine : virtual reality, grid, coffee, i'm drinking coffee in the real world... ...while also drinking coffee in virtual reality! and how is that different from just drinking coffee? how dare you. in the nineties, you would have worshipped me as a god! rotating skull

The Lawnmower Macchiato

What time is it? IT'S VIRTUAL REALITY TIME

– @rstevens



maura, csstine : who do you think would win in a fight: introverts or extroverts? ... backs away ... i know which one of us is harder to get into a fight!

Ultimate Flighting

who do you think would win in a fight: introverts or extroverts?

Ooh, a new mug!

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, red robot : i feel old. finally, a feeling i care about. do you think i'm old? of course not! i have empirical evidence that you are old! stop doing math to my feelings. i would, but it ruins your day!

Counting Rings

I guess I'm lucky, because I've always felt old. It's a gift.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, otakate : i disagree with your bad taste in music- -but i respect your right to be wrong. i know those words, but i've never heard them in that order. that's what we used to say before going straight to death threats with everything. oh my god, you're so old!

It's Great to be Wrong

It was a simpler time. The early internet. Where we could disagree, but only sometimes threaten to kill one another.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, otakate : music was better when i was a kid. really? prove it. if it wasn't, why did we all pay for it? because you didn't have internet. we had internet! i'm indie rock pete, not disco dial-up dave. then why wasn't your music free? how else were we supposed to exclude people from enjoying it?

These Discs Were Compact, Once

Eight words you never want to hear: Music was better when I was a kid.

– @rstevens



maura, nipples the bear, indie rock pete : nipples the bear! long time, no see. hey, no fair! i've got nipples of my own! how come that gets to be his brand? eww, gross!you said

A Dual-Pronged Attack

There is only one truly gross thing in this world... brands.

– @rstevens



csstine, pale suzie : holding coffee, outside, sunshine, horns, bat wings, ugh! it's too hot for coffee. how dare you. summer is miserable enough already. of course you're miserable! you've chosen nature over caffeine. isn't coffee part of nature? not the way i use it.

Temperate Climates

Hot coffee in the summer, never, ever a bummer.

– @rstevens



maura, electron mike : stop ruining my childhood! i did what now? those movies defined my childhood. stop changing them on me! those movies were my childhood. so, you didn't actually have your own childhood?

Ghostbust Me a River

I've got one rule of thumb when it comes to growing up: Movies are not your childhood.

– @rstevens



maura, electron mike : i like your shelves of sex toys! they're not sex toys! they're action figures! action figures? stop having impure thoughts about my toys! your fully articulated toys? why do people keep retroactively ruining childhood.

Fully Articulating

Action figures are the new sex toys.

– @rstevens



torpor, suzie : holding coffee torpor not care if torpor can get drugs high from the coffee. torpor want learn to make coffee to be better friend! you mean you want me to owe you a favor? if by

Clear Motivations

Making coffee for others is the highest form of friendship.

– @rstevens



torpor, suzie : holding coffee may torpor please try coffee, suzie lady? you can, but it won't work on you. why does coffee hate torpor? coffee doesn't hate you, little buddy. hooray! torpor love coffee! but you've never even tried coffee. torpor not need coffee to feel love. yeah, you definitely don't drink coffee.

The Chemical-Free Life

Poor Torpor. Cursed to live in a world where coffee doesn't work.

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : holding a book, what's the big deal about analog books? all the other content you consume is digital! uuuurrrggggghhh the truth hurts, eh? what hurts is you just called my favorite book

Content Content Content

My least favorite word? Definitely content. Gross.

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : holding a book, reading, whoa! is that a vinyl book?! paper. it's a paper book. i hear those have a warmer, fuller sound. compared to a dropped tablet shattering? how do gifs work on there? exactly how gifs in novels should work. how many books can you fit on there? only one, but you actually finish reading it.

Words by the Slice

I swear to you, I saw a REAL PAPER BOOK yesterday!

PS:

– @rstevens



electron mike, clango : holding phone, charging cord, thanks for letting me charge my phone off your butt! no problem. it's my pleasure! does it still count as doing me a favor if you enjoy it? all are entitled to their fair share of the glorious natural resources in my butt!

By the Mighty Power of BUTTS

The greatest power on Earth is BUTTS. You know it and I know it.

PS:

– @rstevens



lord taco-puss, pale suzie : you're a good kitty, lord taco puss. mew mew mew no one asked your opinion, food beast! i am cat! i am beyond such puny human concepts as good and evil! just the sweetest little kitty i know! mew!

BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL

FEAR! Thy name is TACO PUSS. You're lucky I speak cat or you'd be in trouble.

– @rstevens



csstine, lord taco-puss, pale suzie : bloody shirt cat rubbing purr purr aww, how sweet! the kitty rubs you because he considers you a friend! fart purr mmm that means he'd regret eating you if you died!

Marked For Friendship

The thing about cat ownership is that it doesn't work in the direction you think.

– @rstevens





SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK



electron mike, lil sis : hang loose hands how long is your podcast?this week? only about two hours! i'll subscribe if you can describe the premise in less time than it would take to listen. ...

Discussing Things at Length

If I were going to listen to it... How long is your podcast?

– @rstevens


electron mike, lil sis : thumbs up silent panels do you listen to my podcast? can you pretend to like it if i don't ask for your favorite episode?

Podcast Pals

Tonight's comic wants to know if you listen to its podcast.

– @rstevens


otakate, pale suzie : sure you don't wanna go out? i already went out today. checking- instagram totally counts as going out!

A Portal to the World

Does checking Instagram count as going outside?

– @rstevens


otakate, pale suzie : thought balloons wanna go out and maybe get a drink tonight? does anyone ever actually want to go out if they have a choice? and how do i explain it to my cat? does she realize i can see her thoughts? we had plans to lay silently on the floor!

Lead Balloons

What really happens when you ask an introvert to make plans.

– @rstevens


otakate, maura, phone : sitting on toilet, don't call without texting first. I'm trying to work! 99-cent ringtone it sounds like i'm in the bathroom because i'm in the bathroom! just because i'm pooping doesn't mean i'm not working! This comic is dedicated to writers and coders everywhere

Productivity Secrets

This comic is dedicated to writers & coders everywhere.

– @rstevens


otakate, maura, gif, coffee : sitting on toilet, does caffeine count as nanotechnology? does having a network of tiny crystals in my blood make me a cyborg? am i a perfect hybrid of human and machine?! ok, maybe not

Crystalline Entity

Does caffeine count as nanotechnology?

– @rstevens


otakate, maura, gif, animated : you look different. i quit coffee! it's amazing! i have so much more energy now. did you switch to caffeine pills? so much more energy

Higher Realms

Who needs coffee, right? Not when we have technology!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete : laptop, i'm posting to the internet how i don't care about the popular thing everyone else is posting about! what's that, you ask? why not just live my own life and let everyone else enjoy theirs? you must be new to the internet!
maura, red robot : if i get a doctor's note saying i'm dead inside, can i be a robot? why do you want to be a robot? aside from physical and mental superiority as well as no longer being complicit in humanity's many crimes- ohhh.

This Joke is Dad Inside

I think deep down, we all secretly wish we were robots.

– @rstevens


maura, red robot, gamer gabe : i'm done with humanity. hah! you sticky meat zits were done years ago. can you make me a robot? only you can make yourself a robot. i bet together we'd make a great cyborg. that's the worst pick-up line i've ever heard. even worse than when i correct random women on the internet?

It Can Always Get Worse

Tonight's comic is done with humanity.

– @rstevens


dalek, indie rock pete, otakate, john stamos kitten, animated : i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! i am dalek! i am the superior life-form! grrrr get it off! get it off! i surrender!

Hierarchy of Evil

Daleks or kittens? Which is the more dangerous creature?

– @rstevens


dalek, doctor doom : exterminate! exterminate! silence, foolish compost bin! doom is beyond such mindless violence! doom seeks to rule! doom exists to guide humanity forward with the unparalleled wisdom of doom! who has the time to govern when you can destroy? do not confuse doom with trump!

Cutie Pie Murder Jerks

I would feel a lot safer if Victor was the one running against Hillary

– @rstevens


roger the cat, otakate, clango : your cat farted at me! that means he likes you! you mean he doesn't respect me. he's just comfortable around you. could he maybe be comfortable around me without farting? you can't spell

Thunder Pressure

Some days you just need to do a comic about farting cats.

– @rstevens


roger the cat, otakate : licking himself, farting, fart cloud, maow maow of course i'm worried about the election! lick lick everyone is worried about the election! lick fart i just wish the other orange guy was as well-spoken as you.

Rhymes With Orange

Are you worried about the election? Roger and Kate are.

– @rstevens


electron mike, otakate : turkey, eating frosting, are you eating a turkey and a tub of frosting? my alignment is chaotic hungry! you don't have to make excuses for being weird around me. i'm weird? you're just figuring this out now?

Turduckake

This exact thing happened to me once. Apparently I'm weird?

– @rstevens


metal steve, indie rock pete : crab thought balloon poop emoji hey there-i'll come back when there's a different animal above your head. later... i guess that's progress. same crab, different day.

Digesting Some Thoughts

Tonight's comic is... kind of crabby.

– @rstevens


maura, csstine : virtual reality, grid, coffee, are those things prescription? kind of. let me guess- instead of fixing your vision, they correct reality? kind of. can i try them on? can you promise actual reality will be as wonderful as the fantasy world i've created for myself? batman unicorn super mario so, that's a maybe?

Don't Ask to Borrow my Virtual Reality

I feel like asking someone to wear their VR goggles is like asking someone in the 80s to lend you their Nintendo controller.

– @rstevens


maura, csstine : virtual reality, grid, coffee, i'm drinking coffee in the real world... ...while also drinking coffee in virtual reality! and how is that different from just drinking coffee? how dare you. in the nineties, you would have worshipped me as a god! rotating skull

The Lawnmower Macchiato

What time is it? IT'S VIRTUAL REALITY TIME

– @rstevens


maura, csstine : who do you think would win in a fight: introverts or extroverts? ... backs away ... i know which one of us is harder to get into a fight!

Ultimate Flighting

who do you think would win in a fight: introverts or extroverts?

Ooh, a new mug!

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, red robot : i feel old. finally, a feeling i care about. do you think i'm old? of course not! i have empirical evidence that you are old! stop doing math to my feelings. i would, but it ruins your day!

Counting Rings

I guess I'm lucky, because I've always felt old. It's a gift.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, otakate : i disagree with your bad taste in music- -but i respect your right to be wrong. i know those words, but i've never heard them in that order. that's what we used to say before going straight to death threats with everything. oh my god, you're so old!

It's Great to be Wrong

It was a simpler time. The early internet. Where we could disagree, but only sometimes threaten to kill one another.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, otakate : music was better when i was a kid. really? prove it. if it wasn't, why did we all pay for it? because you didn't have internet. we had internet! i'm indie rock pete, not disco dial-up dave. then why wasn't your music free? how else were we supposed to exclude people from enjoying it?

These Discs Were Compact, Once

Eight words you never want to hear: Music was better when I was a kid.

– @rstevens


maura, nipples the bear, indie rock pete : nipples the bear! long time, no see. hey, no fair! i've got nipples of my own! how come that gets to be his brand? eww, gross!you said

A Dual-Pronged Attack

There is only one truly gross thing in this world... brands.

– @rstevens


csstine, pale suzie : holding coffee, outside, sunshine, horns, bat wings, ugh! it's too hot for coffee. how dare you. summer is miserable enough already. of course you're miserable! you've chosen nature over caffeine. isn't coffee part of nature? not the way i use it.

Temperate Climates

Hot coffee in the summer, never, ever a bummer.

– @rstevens


maura, electron mike : stop ruining my childhood! i did what now? those movies defined my childhood. stop changing them on me! those movies were my childhood. so, you didn't actually have your own childhood?

Ghostbust Me a River

I've got one rule of thumb when it comes to growing up: Movies are not your childhood.

– @rstevens


maura, electron mike : i like your shelves of sex toys! they're not sex toys! they're action figures! action figures? stop having impure thoughts about my toys! your fully articulated toys? why do people keep retroactively ruining childhood.

Fully Articulating

Action figures are the new sex toys.

– @rstevens


torpor, suzie : holding coffee torpor not care if torpor can get drugs high from the coffee. torpor want learn to make coffee to be better friend! you mean you want me to owe you a favor? if by

Clear Motivations

Making coffee for others is the highest form of friendship.

– @rstevens


torpor, suzie : holding coffee may torpor please try coffee, suzie lady? you can, but it won't work on you. why does coffee hate torpor? coffee doesn't hate you, little buddy. hooray! torpor love coffee! but you've never even tried coffee. torpor not need coffee to feel love. yeah, you definitely don't drink coffee.

The Chemical-Free Life

Poor Torpor. Cursed to live in a world where coffee doesn't work.

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : holding a book, what's the big deal about analog books? all the other content you consume is digital! uuuurrrggggghhh the truth hurts, eh? what hurts is you just called my favorite book

Content Content Content

My least favorite word? Definitely content. Gross.

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : holding a book, reading, whoa! is that a vinyl book?! paper. it's a paper book. i hear those have a warmer, fuller sound. compared to a dropped tablet shattering? how do gifs work on there? exactly how gifs in novels should work. how many books can you fit on there? only one, but you actually finish reading it.

Words by the Slice

I swear to you, I saw a REAL PAPER BOOK yesterday!

PS:

– @rstevens


electron mike, clango : holding phone, charging cord, thanks for letting me charge my phone off your butt! no problem. it's my pleasure! does it still count as doing me a favor if you enjoy it? all are entitled to their fair share of the glorious natural resources in my butt!

By the Mighty Power of BUTTS

The greatest power on Earth is BUTTS. You know it and I know it.

PS:

– @rstevens


lord taco-puss, pale suzie : you're a good kitty, lord taco puss. mew mew mew no one asked your opinion, food beast! i am cat! i am beyond such puny human concepts as good and evil! just the sweetest little kitty i know! mew!

BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL

FEAR! Thy name is TACO PUSS. You're lucky I speak cat or you'd be in trouble.

– @rstevens


csstine, lord taco-puss, pale suzie : bloody shirt cat rubbing purr purr aww, how sweet! the kitty rubs you because he considers you a friend! fart purr mmm that means he'd regret eating you if you died!

Marked For Friendship

The thing about cat ownership is that it doesn't work in the direction you think.

– @rstevens




footr