torpor, roger the cat, litter box, joe biden : hello, kitty! how is your buttsy little bottom? mew? torpor will just stand here and wait for you to poop so torpor  can immediately scoop it up! to scoopy the poopy is torpor's passion! one month later wow! tv's joe biden! please accept this medal for being the world's greatest youtube comment moderator

COMMENTS

Want to live a long, successful life on the internet? Make sure to never, ever read the comments. On anything.

seriously please don't

PS:

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : i just realized you're covered in blood. that's ok! it's not mine. wearing headphones isn't enough to stop random dudes from bugging me anymore. ooh, life hack!

Portents of Doom

It's usually easier to prevent a conflict from happening in advance than actually having to fight someone.

PS:

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura, klingon : star trek question- yes, data had the firmest rump! if starfleet served synthehol instead of alcohol, what does that mean for coffee? is it all decaf? Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam! it is a good day to die!

Haters and Replicators

Coffee is too important to risk to replicators... the Keurigs of space.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, pale suzie : ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee hee MOMENTS AGO... you should smile more.

An Equal and Opposite Reaction

This might be the last we see of Gamer Gabe for a while.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, pale suzie : i have an opinion that you never asked for! now sit there while i shout it at you! can you not talk to me about that? i have a right to my opinion! you sure do! in your own head. 	but i'm the only one in here who hates me. were you bitten by a radioactive youtube comment?

Opinions Are Like Death and Taxes

Tonight's comic is about dealing with unsolicited opinions.

– @rstevens



gamer gabe, pale suzie, future suzie : hey, dateless wonder! !!! haw haw

Date and Time

I'm kind of obsessed with time travel lately. ("Lately" is loosely defined as "my whole life.")

PS:

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : half of being a writer is hard work. and most of the time, the second half is luck. but there's a third secret no one tells you about. i knew it! what's the secret?! not caring if you're

Literary Secrets

The truth is, these days doing what you want to do is mostly about deciding you can do it and putting the time in.

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : i can't believe my best friend is a real author! well gosh jeez i'm blushing everyone else i know gave up on their dreams! what makes you so special?!

Hard Work and Luck

Writing! It's as much about doing the work as it is about believing you deserve to do the work.

– @rstevens



csstine, library anne : how's your book coming along? great! it's almost close enough to deadline to start working! that doesn't sound like great time management. and yet it is! working last minute, i spend the same amount of time writing... but i don't have the luxury of hating what i write!

Time Dilation & Writing Deadlines

I'm pretty sure this is exactly what writing is like for everybody.

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, commander riker, star trek : commander riker?! hey there, short, stubbly and sentient. i'm your biggest fan! that sexy beard says it all, ensign. can i ask you a personal question? my friend, nothing is too ten-forward. did you have to erase your holodeck history manually, or was there a privacy mode? YOU CAN WHAT

First Orificer

I love Commander Riker. He's the Jabba the Hutt of Star Trek!

– @rstevens



maura, pale suzie, laptop : ooh, an email! emoji the longer i wait to open it, the longer it might be good! you know it's spam.

Yay! Email

ha ha ha nope nope nobody likes email anymore nope nope nope nope

– @rstevens



indie rock pete, alexa : alexa, what time is it? The time is 12:24 pm alexa, what's better: star wars or star trek? It’s a tie between Empire Strikes Back and Deep Space Nine alexa, what's siri's problem? Quit trying to start shit between us, meatbag You realize we talk to each other about you creeps, right?

Twenty Questions

Not gonna lie, I'm tempted by the Amazon Echo. Maybe when I feel wealthy or the price drops.

– @rstevens



maura, pale suzie : comic sans hey buddy, how’s it going? are you drunk? who, me? i’m super sober! you sound weird. i slept last night! you're scaring me. always drink your night coffee... or this could be you

Altered States

Have you been drinking? I haven't been. It's even weirder than that.

– @rstevens



clango, john stamos kitten : why do you insist on climbing on top of the fridge?! mew! i bought you a cat tree larger than most space stations! why can't do your climbing over there? mew! it isn't about climbing. it's about exploring the unknown! mew!

Cat Tree or Not Cat Tree, That is the Question

Why do kitties climb where we don't want them to? The answer will not surprise you if you have a cat.

– @rstevens



johnny toaster, pale suzie, coffee pot : johnny toaster, you're my favorite robot. aww, nobody's forcing you to pick sides! i'm insulted! my love for you has nothing to do with the fact that you're making me breakfast. drippy von brew, you're my favorite robot. gurgle

The Most Important Friendship of the Day

Man, I really missed Johnny Toaster.

– @rstevens



lil sis, maura : is something wrong? someone disagreed with me on the internet! but they didn't threaten to kill me, or even make nasty comments about my butt. they never even implied i was a bad person for not sharing their beliefs! what bizarre and unnerving behavior! just when you think you're prepared for everything...

The Terror of Civility

Listen, up teens- we need to rap. Disagreeing with people on the internet is serious business. Just say no.

– @rstevens



pale suzie, maura : star trek uniform making devil horns rock on cool star trek costume! i love darth vader.

Space Truck: The Next Constellation

If I'm being completely honest, my favorite real-life gag is pretending not to understand super obvious things. You kids and your teenage animes, all Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.

– @rstevens



otakate gamer gabe : star wars revel pilot helmet star wars star wars star wars *sigh* i'm so sick of- after six movies starring luke and his less cool dad? two in a row is nothing, buddy. huh? no! i'm sick of death stars. and here i thought you were a total- and aLSO, I DEMAND MORE JAR-JAR BINKS. LIGHTSABER

Rogue Lead Her

Hey there, Rogue Leader. If you find anything about Star Wars repetitive, it better not be the gender of the recent heroes.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : you should use your position as a reviewer to help younger artists find an audience. think of all the new talent you could help discover! you mean so they owe me? maybe you should go back to not releasing records.

Seek and Dismay

You can do a lot of good reviewing music and writing, unless you're Indie Rock Pete.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens



lil sis, indie rock pete : indie rock pete! are you still making music? nah. what's the point? there's too much new music these days! anyway, the real money these days is in reviewing music. if by 'money,' you mean 'insulting people.' and making myself feel smarter than them.

Passing Judgment

What do you call an Indie Rock Pete who doesn't make indie rock anymore? Good question.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens



csstine, otakate : holding phone talking on the phone seriously, come work for my startup! i dunno. tech culture makes me feel weird. don't say no until you find out what we do. ooh, let me guess the buzzwords! is it a combination *cat cafe *coworking space *animal shelter? gary, call an all hands meeting. we're pivoting.

STARTUP PIZZA PARTY

I'm pretty sure that when I eventually get a job at a cool startup, this is how it's going to happen. (I'm a digital prophet, you see.)

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens



csstine, otakate : working on anything these days? oh, you know. i tweet. how would you describe your twitter style? friendly. punny. not too personal. but above all, i don't care enough to argue. you're hired! great! what was i interviewing for?

Let's Get a Job!

How would you describe your twitter style? Mine is punny and full of pizza and coffee.

– @rstevens



csstine, otakate, gamer gabe : kate! what's your favorite superhero movie these days? i'd rather not say. i thought you were a huge comics fan.  yeah, but it's not worth talking about it. no matter what i say, some dude is going to feel the need to 'correct' me. no, we won't! that's so unfair to me.

I'll Tell You What You Like

I apologize on behalf of all humans for the way women are constantly corrected on Twitter.

– @rstevens



csstine, otakate : did you read the email i sent you? yeah! i liked it with the little star in gmail. that only works on twitter. what the hell, gmail! at least now you know why you lost all your friends. only the old people who still use email!

An Excellent Likeness

Fun fact: I might use Gmail if favoriting things worked like it did on Twitter.

– @rstevens



SECRET SHIRT DO NOT CLICK



torpor, roger the cat, litter box, joe biden : hello, kitty! how is your buttsy little bottom? mew? torpor will just stand here and wait for you to poop so torpor  can immediately scoop it up! to scoopy the poopy is torpor's passion! one month later wow! tv's joe biden! please accept this medal for being the world's greatest youtube comment moderator

COMMENTS

Want to live a long, successful life on the internet? Make sure to never, ever read the comments. On anything.

seriously please don't

PS:

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : i just realized you're covered in blood. that's ok! it's not mine. wearing headphones isn't enough to stop random dudes from bugging me anymore. ooh, life hack!

Portents of Doom

It's usually easier to prevent a conflict from happening in advance than actually having to fight someone.

PS:

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura, klingon : star trek question- yes, data had the firmest rump! if starfleet served synthehol instead of alcohol, what does that mean for coffee? is it all decaf? Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam! it is a good day to die!

Haters and Replicators

Coffee is too important to risk to replicators... the Keurigs of space.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, pale suzie : ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee hee MOMENTS AGO... you should smile more.

An Equal and Opposite Reaction

This might be the last we see of Gamer Gabe for a while.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, pale suzie : i have an opinion that you never asked for! now sit there while i shout it at you! can you not talk to me about that? i have a right to my opinion! you sure do! in your own head. 	but i'm the only one in here who hates me. were you bitten by a radioactive youtube comment?

Opinions Are Like Death and Taxes

Tonight's comic is about dealing with unsolicited opinions.

– @rstevens


gamer gabe, pale suzie, future suzie : hey, dateless wonder! !!! haw haw

Date and Time

I'm kind of obsessed with time travel lately. ("Lately" is loosely defined as "my whole life.")

PS:

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : half of being a writer is hard work. and most of the time, the second half is luck. but there's a third secret no one tells you about. i knew it! what's the secret?! not caring if you're

Literary Secrets

The truth is, these days doing what you want to do is mostly about deciding you can do it and putting the time in.

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : i can't believe my best friend is a real author! well gosh jeez i'm blushing everyone else i know gave up on their dreams! what makes you so special?!

Hard Work and Luck

Writing! It's as much about doing the work as it is about believing you deserve to do the work.

– @rstevens


csstine, library anne : how's your book coming along? great! it's almost close enough to deadline to start working! that doesn't sound like great time management. and yet it is! working last minute, i spend the same amount of time writing... but i don't have the luxury of hating what i write!

Time Dilation & Writing Deadlines

I'm pretty sure this is exactly what writing is like for everybody.

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, commander riker, star trek : commander riker?! hey there, short, stubbly and sentient. i'm your biggest fan! that sexy beard says it all, ensign. can i ask you a personal question? my friend, nothing is too ten-forward. did you have to erase your holodeck history manually, or was there a privacy mode? YOU CAN WHAT

First Orificer

I love Commander Riker. He's the Jabba the Hutt of Star Trek!

– @rstevens


maura, pale suzie, laptop : ooh, an email! emoji the longer i wait to open it, the longer it might be good! you know it's spam.

Yay! Email

ha ha ha nope nope nobody likes email anymore nope nope nope nope

– @rstevens


indie rock pete, alexa : alexa, what time is it? The time is 12:24 pm alexa, what's better: star wars or star trek? It’s a tie between Empire Strikes Back and Deep Space Nine alexa, what's siri's problem? Quit trying to start shit between us, meatbag You realize we talk to each other about you creeps, right?

Twenty Questions

Not gonna lie, I'm tempted by the Amazon Echo. Maybe when I feel wealthy or the price drops.

– @rstevens


maura, pale suzie : comic sans hey buddy, how’s it going? are you drunk? who, me? i’m super sober! you sound weird. i slept last night! you're scaring me. always drink your night coffee... or this could be you

Altered States

Have you been drinking? I haven't been. It's even weirder than that.

– @rstevens


clango, john stamos kitten : why do you insist on climbing on top of the fridge?! mew! i bought you a cat tree larger than most space stations! why can't do your climbing over there? mew! it isn't about climbing. it's about exploring the unknown! mew!

Cat Tree or Not Cat Tree, That is the Question

Why do kitties climb where we don't want them to? The answer will not surprise you if you have a cat.

– @rstevens


johnny toaster, pale suzie, coffee pot : johnny toaster, you're my favorite robot. aww, nobody's forcing you to pick sides! i'm insulted! my love for you has nothing to do with the fact that you're making me breakfast. drippy von brew, you're my favorite robot. gurgle

The Most Important Friendship of the Day

Man, I really missed Johnny Toaster.

– @rstevens


lil sis, maura : is something wrong? someone disagreed with me on the internet! but they didn't threaten to kill me, or even make nasty comments about my butt. they never even implied i was a bad person for not sharing their beliefs! what bizarre and unnerving behavior! just when you think you're prepared for everything...

The Terror of Civility

Listen, up teens- we need to rap. Disagreeing with people on the internet is serious business. Just say no.

– @rstevens


pale suzie, maura : star trek uniform making devil horns rock on cool star trek costume! i love darth vader.

Space Truck: The Next Constellation

If I'm being completely honest, my favorite real-life gag is pretending not to understand super obvious things. You kids and your teenage animes, all Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.

– @rstevens


otakate gamer gabe : star wars revel pilot helmet star wars star wars star wars *sigh* i'm so sick of- after six movies starring luke and his less cool dad? two in a row is nothing, buddy. huh? no! i'm sick of death stars. and here i thought you were a total- and aLSO, I DEMAND MORE JAR-JAR BINKS. LIGHTSABER

Rogue Lead Her

Hey there, Rogue Leader. If you find anything about Star Wars repetitive, it better not be the gender of the recent heroes.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : you should use your position as a reviewer to help younger artists find an audience. think of all the new talent you could help discover! you mean so they owe me? maybe you should go back to not releasing records.

Seek and Dismay

You can do a lot of good reviewing music and writing, unless you're Indie Rock Pete.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens


lil sis, indie rock pete : indie rock pete! are you still making music? nah. what's the point? there's too much new music these days! anyway, the real money these days is in reviewing music. if by 'money,' you mean 'insulting people.' and making myself feel smarter than them.

Passing Judgment

What do you call an Indie Rock Pete who doesn't make indie rock anymore? Good question.

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens


csstine, otakate : holding phone talking on the phone seriously, come work for my startup! i dunno. tech culture makes me feel weird. don't say no until you find out what we do. ooh, let me guess the buzzwords! is it a combination *cat cafe *coworking space *animal shelter? gary, call an all hands meeting. we're pivoting.

STARTUP PIZZA PARTY

I'm pretty sure that when I eventually get a job at a cool startup, this is how it's going to happen. (I'm a digital prophet, you see.)

PS: SECRET SHIRT EPISODE II

– @rstevens


csstine, otakate : working on anything these days? oh, you know. i tweet. how would you describe your twitter style? friendly. punny. not too personal. but above all, i don't care enough to argue. you're hired! great! what was i interviewing for?

Let's Get a Job!

How would you describe your twitter style? Mine is punny and full of pizza and coffee.

– @rstevens


csstine, otakate, gamer gabe : kate! what's your favorite superhero movie these days? i'd rather not say. i thought you were a huge comics fan.  yeah, but it's not worth talking about it. no matter what i say, some dude is going to feel the need to 'correct' me. no, we won't! that's so unfair to me.

I'll Tell You What You Like

I apologize on behalf of all humans for the way women are constantly corrected on Twitter.

– @rstevens


csstine, otakate : did you read the email i sent you? yeah! i liked it with the little star in gmail. that only works on twitter. what the hell, gmail! at least now you know why you lost all your friends. only the old people who still use email!

An Excellent Likeness

Fun fact: I might use Gmail if favoriting things worked like it did on Twitter.

– @rstevens



footr